5 months

Today it has been five months since me and Marvin broke up. It’s still really hard. I miss him so much. It’s really hard to come to realization that I am really not going to spend the rest of my life with him when that’s all I had wanted and tried to work for, for the last four years. But it’s slowly coming to that this might be for the best, we are two totally different people and want totally different things. I don’t think Marvin really knows what he wants at this point. He still has the party in him I guess. I know that he loves the kids but I guess he wasn’t really ready to be a full time dad, but I don’t know. I am kind of lost as well but I do know that I want to be successful for my children and I will be starting school in the next month or two. I want to be the best I can be for my kids and give them every opportunity possible.

A big part of me still hopes that when Marvin is done with this phase or grows up a little more that I will be what he wants. I still want to be the person that he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I just hope deep in our hearts that we can forgive each other for the pain that we have caused each other. I still love him with all of my heart.

I wish us both happiness.

Happy 2nd Birthday to Andrew & Gaige

My twins turned two on the 23rd of April. I look at them and I cant believe they are two already. Time really flies once you have children. We had a party for them on April 25, 2009 at the park. It was beautiful out. It wasn’t too warm and it was nice and windy. All the kids had a great time. The boys got a lot of cool gifts, bunch of clothes and toys. Marvin and I pitched in and bought them bikes.

Happy Easter!!

The kids had a great Easter. So much candy and lots of fun. The weather was great. It rained the day before, so we were grateful it didnt rain on Sunday.

HAPPY EASTER!!

Desi

Finally the cast is off. Its been 6 weeks. In the x-ray you can still see a tiny fracture in the bone but the dr is confident that she will be fine without the cast. She now needs time to get used to using her arm without the cast.

A day outside!

March 23, 2009 Desirae, Nathan, Gaige and Andrew.

Here is a picture of My kids and my nephew Nathan playing outside. It was a real nice day in Arizona so I tried to have them soak it up. It was really windy that day. The weather was perfect. I was very surprised that they were all sitting together like that. I thought it was so cute.

My daughter is still in a cast until next week, hopefully. She has been a real trooper. I am so proud of her. She hasnt let having a cast stop her doing anything.

Life Now

Life is crazy. I was reading the stupid celebrity pages and Jennifer Aniston said something like if breaking up with someone doesnt hurt what was the purpose of the relationship. It was something like that but you know its true. If it doesnt hurt whats the point.

Marvin was/is the love of my life. In the last four years we shared so many things. Happiness, sadness. We have been in car accidents together. He was sitting right next to me when I had to have an emergency C section for the birth of our twins. I remember his face when I told him that I was pregnant with twins. He was so excited but he didnt believe me at the same time. Relationships are hard. Any relationship is hard. I cant tell you how many times me and my best friends have stopped talking but we always found our way back to each other. Now I have the two best friends anybody can have.

The last 3-4 months have been real rocky for me and they were both there for me.

Marvin admitted to me today and like a week ago that he loves me and misses me but he dont know if he can get past the things I have done the last couple of months. He doesnt see the things he has done. He doesnt see him living with another female already doing something wrong. I dont know. I love him with all of my heart and I want to find happiness with him. I dont see my future with any other man.

If we decide to get back together we have a lot to work through, but it will be worth it. This will make us and our love for each other stronger that we got passed this together.

My friend Sharray is helping me find God and ever since we had this discussion its helped in a way. It still really hurts, I miss Marvin soooooo much but its helped me be more rational. Marvin always said that I always acted before knowing all the truth and he is right.

I know I will find happiness I just hope he can grow up and we can move past this hurdle and live happily ever after with each other.

My New Tattoo

Got a new tattoo its my daughters name and her zodiac sign, shs's a scorpio.